There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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