i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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