I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
