i just had sex bonerless
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
