You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
