can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
