The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
