got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
