everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
