there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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