alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
