yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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