If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
