thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
