By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so let's talk penis.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
