i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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