O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it's like iHOP with fire
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
