On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
