Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
