if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
