told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
