he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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