remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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