please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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