period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
