then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
