i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I deserve this hangover.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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