so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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