Those balls look pretty dangerous.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
