Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
