On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
