please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
