For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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