Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize