I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
