i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
