that's an acceptable place to lick
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
