Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
