I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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