my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
