you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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