Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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