We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
