Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
