Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
