The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
