Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
