if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
