Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
