I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
why didn't you poke me back
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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